How I believe change happens in therapy

First, we make sense of what happened.

We put words to experiences. We name things. We organize them. We notice recurring patterns. We look at problems not as living inside you, but within the wider context of your relationships, your family culture, patriarchy, ableism, gender essentialism, capitalism, white supremacy.
This alone brings relief. When you understand why you react the way you do and why you make the choices you make, you can understand (stand under) yourself rather than feel ashamed and powerless. You can feel more compassion for yourself and see that you did the best you could in the circumstances you were in, with the tools you had.

Then, we feel what wants to be felt.

Once things are named and held in their larger context, there is more safety and containment to feel the emotions that you couldn’t express: anger, disgust, fear, grief, joy. Together we work to free what has been stuck.
When those emotions are more fully felt, they move out and make room for something unexpected: relief, clarity, and a returning sense of vitality.

We build new relational experiences.

Healing happens in relationship: with your therapist, with important others, and with yourself. The more safe, attuned interactions you have, the more your nervous system learns that connection doesn’t have to destabilize or exhaust you.
Together we pay attention to the quality of our relationship, with the intention of creating a safe and secure therapeutic relationship.

Your relationships outside of therapy get better (and the shitty ones fall away).

When you know what safety and security feel like in your body, you can recognize it, or its absence, in your other relationships. You begin to trust your own perceptions. You know who is safe to let in. You can stay engaged and not fall apart during conflict, making your relationships stronger. You become more collaborative, more open, more yourself.
It matters to me that therapy turns you toward your life and your relationships, not inward toward therapy itself. The relationship we build together is a foundation, not a destination. The goal is that you carry what you’ve found here into every relationship that matters to you, starting with your relationship with yourself.