My work is rooted in four important principles:

1. We are not meant to go at it alone

We may feel alone, but the truth is that life is all relationship. You have relationships with other people, of course, and you have a relationship with yourself, with your emotions, with your work, with how you show up in the world, with your frustrations and desires, with your cultural environment, and so on. Anything you can name, you have a relationship with.

When something in your life feels stuck or isn’t working well, or when you want something to change, the first thing to consider is your relationship to that thing. What does it want from you, and what do you want from it? What can you do differently so that the relationship feels more supportive?

We just aren’t meant to do it all on our own. We fare much better in life when we dialogue and collaborate. For some of us that’s not so easy, because we’ve been hurt in our relationships and have become very sensitive to the inevitable ups and downs of human relationships.

That’s where therapy comes in. In the gentle, protected therapeutic space, you can unpack past and present relationships, understand your well-worn patterns, and create new ones that are more in line with what you value.

We don’t live in a bubble, no matter what our hyper-individualistic society will have us believe. White supremacy, patriarchy, exploitative capitalism, transphobia and ableism are baked into our culture and it takes an enormous amount of self-awareness and effort to escape their influence for even a moment.

Whatever you are struggling with, it’s important to widen the lens and consider all the factors at play. You are a human being surviving in an oppressive, divisive, unequal system that has you believing that if you are not happy and thriving, there must be something wrong with you and you just need to try harder.

There is nothing inherently wrong with you. If you are struggling with something, you can be sure that is intimately related to the larger systems of oppression. Those systems are not interested in you trusting yourself, believing that you are enough, or having deep, nurturing relationships— in fact, they are actively working against that.

Life is brutal, no matter how much privilege and armor you have. The antidote is gentleness.

That means: Slowing down. Checking in. Asking for consent. Being mindful of how we interact. Being gracious with each other.

Not because we are snowflakes (though snowflakes are beautiful, so why not) but because we care about how we treat each other. Our relationships are important, so we put them first. And that includes your relationship with yourself— the one that is most in need of gentleness.

Pain lets you know that something is out of sync. It’s important information. But focusing only on what’s wrong or unpleasant is a fruitless pursuit. Trying to rid your life of problems, or trying to rid yourself of your ‘defects’, is neverending.

What is more more likely to create positive change in your life is to look for what feels right and true. Look for safety, for connection, for spaciousness and satisfaction. Look for pleasure and make time and space for it.

Pleasure— and I’m talking about real pleasure, the kind that makes you feel alive and fulfilled— will soothe your nervous system and clear your mind. It will center you in the present moment and remind you of what’s important.

Sometimes you’re struggling with something and it’s hard. Ask yourself— what feels good right now? Maybe it’s a tiny thing. As you focus on it, it grows stronger. You can lean on it. It becomes a resource. There are still tears and fears, but you can move through your struggle with more ease and enjoyment, and come out the other side with gratitude.

”Feeling good is not frivolous; it is freedom.” — adrienne maree brown